Change

When we brought Kolton home from the hospital he HATED when we changed his diaper. It was really the only time he cried outside of being hungry. He just did not like to be naked; made obvious by the kicking and screaming. I suppose it had something to do with feeling safe and warm and then suddenly exposed and unfamiliar. However, by the time he was 1 month old he didn't cry during changes anymore.  By two months he down right loved it because he figured out he could stretch his legs without being restricted. Now days he might be crying and fussy then the minute I set him on the changing table he starts to smile and laugh!  Or eat his hands now that he discovered them.

Everyone says your life changes when you have a baby. And while that is absolutely true we have been dealing with even more changes than most. As I've mentioned before Mike was laid off shortly before Thanksgiving. I take that back, he wasn't laid off, the company he was working for simply stopped doing business in the channel he was working in. So along with having a newborn we adjusted to the fact that Mike wasn't working. It was stressful but it was OK because I wasn't left to figure things out on my own day in and day out. But things were not easy or simple. We went from a secure place to one that felt exposed and unfamiliar.

10 weeks after Kolton was born life changed again as I went back to work. Now Mike really was primary care giver. I rushed home to get the moments in that I could. But sometimes I had things I wanted to do at night as well. Que guilt and total role reversal. Is it fair that Mike has to spend all day looking after the little man and then all night too? Is it fair that I don't get to have a life outside of work and my child?  This road is getting a little bumpy...

Now things are changing again in a major way. Mike is currently in Minneapolis interviewing for a position that would mean another relocation for us. For the past 3 weeks we thought it was going to be in Southern Florida. I have been kicking and screaming. I love our life in Baltimore; we have a great house and amazing friends here. It's our home now. Southern Florida would mean a completely new way of life.  I have been freaking out about everything from bugs to putting Christmas lights on a palm tree.  I haven't exactly been making things easy on Mike; like I said, kicking and screaming.


As of Friday we found out that a territory in Virginia might be a possibility...just as I was starting to warm up to the Florida idea a little. But it still means we have to move. While we would only be about 3 hours from Baltimore it still means major change.  New place to live, new friends to make, new roads to become familiar with.  We don't know anything for sure yet. But I can blog about it because the guilt was tearing me up so I told my sales manager at work what was happening. If this happens it will happen quick. But if it falls through I still need to work.  Since I'm not the one looking outside the company I figured it would be OK and it was.

I'm still not that happy about having to leave Baltimore. In fact, I'm heartbroken. But I can't help but remember that I felt the same way leaving Minneapolis 5 years ago. I think about Kolton and how fast he is growing, learning, and adapting.  Change is definitely a roller coaster.  It's downright scary sometimes but, once you get to the end you can't help but smile and laugh at the thrill of it all.