17 Weeks!

Last night I had an awards dinner for work.  Basically, it was an excuse to buy a new pretty dress:)  Although these events can sometimes feel daunting it actually ended up being a pretty fun time.  Some of us even rented a limo to get the party started and keep it going after the event was over.  I have to say it did feel a little like we were going to a prom for grown ups.  So it was fun to let lose a little.  I did not stay out too late (around midnight) because no matter what happens the night before it's time to be Mommy again at 6 am. 

But something happened when I got home that made it a pretty significant night for me.  I woke up around 3am to go to the bathroom and decided to use the hall one instead of our master so that I didn't wake Mike up. Like I said yesterday we've been having trouble sleeping through the night ourselves.   I was kind of in a half sleep daze -you know just go, wash up, and crawl back into bed.  I then realized that for that brief minute or two I completely forgot about Kolton!  It wasn't so much that I forgot about him he just didn't cross my mind until I got back into bed and heard the wooshing sound from the monitor.  Usually I would have taken that opportunity to check in on him but I didn't even think about it.  I knew that I had checked on him when I got home so at least that made me feel a little better.  It's not like I'm getting the worst mom award here I just felt soooo guilty. 

Another thing I often think about is the whole concept of being on automatic pilot and forgetting about your child in the car or something like that.  I've read such tragic stories about this happening to good people and good parents.  I've started to keep my purse in the back seat so that I have to actually look back there every time I get out.  Mike always keeps his suit jacket hanging behind the drivers side so he also has a good habit of physically looking in the back seat every time.  Last night I definitely was on auto and it just freaked me out a little when I realized that for that brief minute it was just like any other night I had before Kolton was born.  I guess I've just been so worried for so long that the lack of worry felt strange and wrong somehow!