Mama Bear Complex

I definitely suffer from a severe mama bear complex.  This set in the moment Kolton was born.  You see from the beginning Mike and I have always had to deal with something being wrong with our son.  You might remember that Kolton was born with both testicles undescended.  You can read about that here.  So right away we were talking to doctors about what to do and if he will ever be "normal".  Please know that I have some friends that read this blog that had actual life threatening situations with their infants.  I am in no way comparing this little thing to theirs or anyone who has had a child born with difficulties.  All I'm saying is I remember feeling defensive of my baby right away.  I could only hope that the surgery would resolve the situation and that I wouldn't have to prepare Kolton to be teased in showers one day.

We have been on this speech delay and possible autism spectrum disorder journey for about 1/2 of Kolton's life.  Through out I have been extremely defensive.  Today was another one of those days.  I took K to see a developmental pediatrician.  Even though his vocabulary is exploding his preschool teacher is observing some problem areas.  As are we with some of his tantrums at home.  So I thought another opinion couldn't hurt.  Well it does hurt...it hurts me.

Am I the only one who ends up almost walking out on these appointments?  Is it too much to ask that doctors have a little more understanding and bed side manner?  Especially when their chosen specialty is to tell parents that their child is not "normal".  But maybe its me because I've had tense moments with his pediatrician, speech therapist, early intervention case handler, and anyone else who has had to observe him.  I really hate the feeling.  It's actually worse than doctors telling me something is wrong with me.

There still isn't enough to diagnose Kolton with anything specific.  But there is enough to be concerned.  Even physically he isn't quite up to speed with his pears.  So now we have to get a school evaluation done again to see if he qualifies for special ed preschool in the fall.  Maybe he will, maybe he won't is all the doctor had to say today....brilliant!

Thankfully my day ended on a much higher note.  Kolton and I played, watched Cars, and snuggled.  I seriously love that kid.  And I make no apologies for the mama bear claws that sometime come out.  Its purely instinctual.

Reward

What a busy day!  Our scheduled was jammed packed.  Thinking back to this morning or even lunch time feels like yesterday.  We did have a couple hours at home but I didn't want to waste the whole time trying to put Kolton down for a nap only to have to wake him up.  So we skipped it and the craziest thing happened.  He actually sat on the potty....for 30 minutes!  I promised him chocolate if he went.  Unfortunately there was no action.  Oh, how I wanted even the smallest tinkle so he could finally make a connection.  I just hope the experience didn't confuse or discourage him.  But I was so, so, proud of him!  And of course I rewarded him with chocolate anyway.  I'm really hopeful that we just turned a corner.  I am planning on a 3 day potty training boot camp next weekend.  Fingers Crossed People!!!

This was the 3rd time in the week so far that Kolton has had be beaming with pride.  Yesterday at speech therapy he counted to 20 unassisted. He counts for me all of the time but usually I have to repeat each number and I wasn't so sure he would perform on command.  He did awesome!  Then later in the morning he rode the train at the children's museum all by himself for the first time.  He screamed with delight.  Its funny because he seemed so disinterested all the times I rode with him.  I wasn't sure he would let me walk away.  But he did, and again I was so proud.  

I think I'm starting to like year 3... 

3

My Dearest Darling Baby Boy,

It's been quite a while since I wrote to you like this.  I'm not even sure anyone checks this blog anymore.  But I'm thankful I have this platform to record my thoughts and feelings to share with you one day.

Last Sunday-the 19th of course-you turned 3 years old!  Its crazy how, once again, time has seemed to both fly and crawl at the same time.  Mommy and Daddy still feel a bit turned on our heads living in Richmond.  But in late November we made the very tough decision to stay vs move to Northern VA.  While maybe not all that exciting for us it is a wonderful place for you!  You have so many friends-Brooke, Dylan, Cody, Graham, Abby, Emma, Ava, Lyla, Blake, Andrew, New Friend Andrew-just to name a few.  You love your preschool and thinking about researching new ones and getting on a wait list fills me with anxiety.  Don't get me wrong, I had a lot to do with wanting to stay for selfish reasons too...I hope we move into a nice, affordable, house sometime soon and thinking of having to start all over making new friends AGAIN is just an anxiety I couldn't handle.  Baltimore is always and forever going to be part of your life but I think its better for you here.

So, just who are you at 3?  The sweetest most loving little boy, and a wild, crazy, tantrum throwing dictator.  You give the best hugs and kisses and often request them.  Even your preschool teachers comment on how much love you exude.  It makes me feel really good that it is evident you are growing up in a very affectionate home.  Your little mind just amazes me.  And there is no better feeling than watching you learn new things.  You can count to 20, and you know all of your shapes and colors.  You know almost the whole alphabet and we are working on spelling your name.  Even though you are still considered delayed in speech I am no longer that worried.  You say new words everyday and repeat everything I say.  You know the difference between Football, Baseball, and Basketball.  And you still love to be read to.  Sometimes the same book over and over.  It really makes me smile when you know whats coming before I even say it.  Oh!  And you are learning the words to songs too.  That being said I'm not going to lie Little Man, there still might be something wrong...

Through out our day there are quite a few things that you do that concern me a little.  They mostly have to do with your obsessiveness.  Things have to be done, and said, in the exact same way, every time, every day or you lose your mind.  Now its not like a rigid schedule or anything like that.  But getting in & out of the car, warming anything up in the microwave, going up & down stairs, changing your diaper...all seem to have a ritual that if I skip parts you go into a panic.  Only it comes out as a tantrum.  I'm not really sure what to do?  There is a part of me that wants to be sympathetic to your needs and there is a part of me that wants to lay down the law.  This results in what I call fights; where we both end up screaming at each other.  But because I'm such a push over, lately you've taken to bossing me around quite a bit.  You often get your way, so maybe you are just smarter than I'm giving you credit for.  Or, maybe there is actually something greater going on.  You want to do EVERYTHING yourself.  "Kolton do"  is something I hear repeatedly and while I appreciate your curiosity and ambition sometimes I just want to flick a light switch on without picking you up to do it.  We'll get it figured out soon, I hope!

Because of this I've been a bit reluctant to dig my heels in and tackle some of the milestones you need to be reaching like sleeping in a toddler bed and potty training.  In my defense you still sleep wonderfully in your crib.  You often lay there and talk to yourself while you wait to fall asleep.  And you still take a big nap in the afternoon (sometimes in my bed).  You only tried to crawl out of the crib once and fell flat on your back.  You've never tried again.  I'm slightly terrified about disrupting the peace, mostly because I like my sleep too.  And you won't go near a potty chair...  But you know what, we'll get through this together.

At 3 years old your favorite things are:

Playing with my iPhone-mostly watching videos of yourself

Music-highly inappropriate songs like Britney Spears' "Work Bitch" and will.i.am's "Scream & Shout"

School-you ask to go almost every day even though you only go on Tuesdays and Thursdays

Cars-especially ones that light up and make noise

Art-painting with a paint brush but, you don't like to get your hands dirty.

Green seems to be your favorite color but sometimes its Red

I am still so excited about getting to spend the majority of my time with you.  Even when I'm exhausted at the end of the day.  I am constantly filled with gratitude that I get to be with you as much as I do.  Of course I enjoy time spent away from you too.  But the cool part is I know its not for long.  There is often this moment, right before you go to sleep, when you gaze up at me and just smile.  Its almost like you know something that I don't.  I hope that never changes.  

I love you Kolton Michael, I love you to the moon, the sun, and the stars, then all around the universe and back again!

Holiday Haze

I still plan on doing a 2013 year in review.  But, tomorrow I'm going to come out of my 5 day hibernation to recover from the holidays.  It might become an annual tradition for me.  Since New Years Day I've done nothing but hide out in my house.  We are all a little sick, nothing serious, but just a few sniffles.  So, we have all been sleeping in to compensate; even Kolton woke up around 9:30am the past two days.  My decorations are mostly down but there is still some work to be done.  Especially in the laundry dept. which was neglected for 3 weeks!  I really needed this rest.  We spent a solid 8 wonderful days visiting friends and family in Wisconsin, came home for 1 night, and then took off again for NYE.  As social as I am sometimes I need a little break.

So its back to the land of the living tomorrow...speech therapy, music class, preschool, and playdates.  Little man's birthday is around the corner too.  We are planning on a small, laid back, celebration this year but still there is cleaning and shopping and cake ordering to be done.  I need to get started on the 2013 photo book, which always takes longer than I think, pay bills, hire babysitters, etc,  Life just starts to churn again.

Hustle Bustle

The Holiday full court press is upon us.  Aye, aye, aye, every year I swear I'm going to get done shopping early and every year I'm scrambling.  Believe it or not, even a stay at home Mom doesn't have a ton of time.  It doesn't help that Kolton isn't the best shopping companion.  I also find that I lack gift inspiration.  Cologne, candles, and accessories find their way into my bag every year.

Through all of the holiday stress it has been so incredibly fun to watch Kolton this year.  Hard to believe this is his 3rd Christmas!  He's really starting to get it with one glaring exception...he refuses to sit on Santa's knee.  I have tried in vain 3 times...thankfully stay at home moms get to go to the mall when there are no lines!  I can't wait to see his reaction when it comes time to open presents.  I just hope I'll be able to stop him from ripping things open beforehand.

Days of Future's Past

At just under 3 years old Kolton's world view of technology is vastly different from when I was his age.  Even my 21 year old self couldn't have imagined all we can do and use our cell phones for. He knows how to navigate to his favorite games, apps, and music.  "iPad" is in his vocabulary.  I sometimes wonder about the things we use today that will be considered old fashioned in the future.

Once a week, when Kolton is in preschool, I go out for breakfast by myself.  It's so wonderful just to sit there in peace and have a meal served to me without sticky, grabby, little fingers bothering me.  Today I over heard two women having a conversation all about what a pain in the butt sending Christmas Cards is.  And how Shutterfly will basically do the whole thing for you; even address and mail them if you are willing to pay for it.  Since we are in the social media age I'm honestly amazed that we still do the photo card bombing during the holidays.  Maybe this tradition will one day be extinct?  But don't be surprised to see ours arrive in the mail this week!

Their conversation also reminded me of how hectic the holidays are and how I long to enjoy them as much as I did when I was a kid.  Tonight I'm giving myself a Christmas break...buying cookies for the cookie exchange tomorrow and getting a manicure.

Doe A Deer

I don't know where to begin...it's been so long!  But I've missed this!  And I've missed you!  I started to realize just how valuable it is to be able to document Kolton's toddler years in this way.  I won't be able to update everything that's happened in the past few months in just one post.  So here is a start...

Kolton's vocabulary is increasing every day.  He knows all of his colors and can count to 20.  He especially loves talking about all of his friends at school.  One night we were naming the kids in his class and he named one I didn't know.  This is so encouraging!  For him to talk about something not in plain sight is wonderful progress.  And he sings! The song from The Sound of Music; Doe A Deer is his favorite.  Followed by Rock A Bye Baby, Jingle Bells, and a song I made up called Goodnight Kolton.  Along with singing he also loves to dance.  He grabs my phone ALL OF THE TIME and plays his music.  Pit Bull and Britney Spears are his jams.  

Jet Lagged

We were back in Minnesota for Mike's niece's wedding this weekend.  Kolton stayed with my mom so we could enjoy ourselves.  The day was beautiful and the bride was especially stunning.  The hard part about this event for us was it may have been the first time we felt incredibly old.  At 23 both Carson and Erin have their shit together...world traveled, good jobs, even home ownership, and now married.  When the party at the reception really got started Mike and I quickly realized we didn't necessarily fit in with the kids going crazy on the dance floor.  Even though they were dancing to all of the music we like.  I felt like I aged 10 years in a flash.  And then I aged another 10 years when Carson told me I was young at heart...ouch!  Never the less we had a very relaxing weekend with Mike's family and even snuck in some time with a few friends.  So all was well with the world until it was time to go home...

A 4 hour delay with a non-napped toddler.  We didn't go back to our house in Richmond until 3:30 in the morning!  Poor Kolton didn't know what hit him.  He had an absolute meltdown at the airport screaming "Daddy Do!"  about 100 times.  (Mike and I take turns asking him who loves him the most and he changes his answer depending on who's asking)  He was like CD skipping for over 20 minutes. Finally he crashed on my shoulder shortly before we boarded at 11:30pm.    FAA regulations state that all ticketed passengers; even 2 year olds need to be seated in their seats with their seat belts fastened to take off.  Ugh!  Kolton was so tired all he wanted to do was nuzzle my neck and sleep!  So I hunched over as far as I could and thankfully he slept through it, then continued to sleep on Mike the rest of the way.

Am I rambling?  I think I'm rambling...  Better go to bed!

He Sleeps

Precious Time

Last night I went to cycle class.  Near the end, when legs were dragging, in order to motivate us the instructor said "Time is your most precious gift, you are always losing it so spend it wisely."  I don't know if he was quoting someone or just made it up on the spot but I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

I often find myself getting frustrated with Kolton when he isn't sticking to schedule.  I'm rushing out the door but he wants to practice putting his shoes on...refusing to eat at meal times resulting in me chasing him around the house with a banana...wanting to lay and play in "Mama bed" when he should be napping already.  I get all worked up and sometimes snap at him; why?  I have no where else to be and really wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

With that in mind this afternoon he didn't go down for a nap until 2pm.  He typically naps for 3 hours but yesterday was only 2.  So I decided to just roll the dice. Today he slept for over 4.  I thought about waking him up around 5:00 but then thought better of it.  If he wanted to stay up until 10:00 so be it.  He went down at 8:30!

Preschool 2013

No Tears, No Tears, No Tears, YaaaaaaaaayYYY!  I love how first day of school photos have some how morphed into the new way to display creative skills (or lack there of in my case!)  I misjudged where to start the P in preschool on my sign and now I have to live with the shame forever =)  Ha, ha

The most important thing is Kolton had a really good day.  I was a little nervous because I have to help him unpack and hang up his bag...water, snack, folder.  At his school last year I just handed him over at the door without ever entering the room.  And usually walked away to the sound of his wails.  So, I definitely thought there would be a scene as I tried to leave.  Nope, K became interested in a puzzle and I quickly exited doing a happy dance.  It was an abbreviated day (only 1.5 hours) but still enough time for me to go get my nails done!

Thursday will be a real test to see if we can get there by 8:00.  His teacher told me its honestly fine to bring him up until 9:00.  But I don't want to fall down that slippery slope, I think it'll be good for us both to get going earlier.

Countdown

One week from today Kolton will start preschool Tues & Thurs mornings.  There is a part of me that finds it hard to believe we actually have 4 years of preschool to go before he'll start kindergarten.  Maybe its all of the "first day" photos I saw on Facebook today.  I don't mean to be a whiner, especially since September is childhood cancer awareness month.  But running errands with K Puppy (his current favorite nickname) is quite the spectacle.  He demands to be carried so I ultimately end up balancing him on my right arm while I push the cart.  Since the grocery store is only 5 minutes away my trips aren't very organized.  So there is always something I need.  Once school starts I'm hoping to avoid taking Kolton into stores completely.  I wonder how long I'll last?

Summer Wind Down

Colonial Williamsburg

I think its kind of funny that the end of summer is some how supposed to signify the end of fun.  Of course a change of season is always a little exciting too.  In a couple of weeks Kolton will be in preschool Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 8-12.  I plan on grocery shopping on Tuesdays and doing something for myself (mani/pedi, shopping, etc) on Thursdays.  Yay!

So as summer winds down here is what we've been up to....

Kolton regularly requests to sleep in "mama bed".  Most of the time he gets rambunctious and proceeds to bounce all around so I've been hesitant to constantly give in to his requests.  However on this day he went to sleep right away and napped for 3 hours.  If he's good, I'll let him watch TV for 15 minutes before transferring him to his crib.  I'm going to wait to tackle his own big boy bed until he turns 3. I think of this as a nice little warm up.

Shopping!  I really do love the outdoor malls here.  I'll remember this summer as the summer of the hat. He gets so many compliments everywhere we go!

Soaking in the last days of the pool.  It kind of sucks that it closes after labor day.  It doesn't look like we are going to make it to the beach this year and I'm honestly OK with that.  Having the pool just steps from our front door has been so great I can't imagine packing up, sitting in traffic and all the other hassle just to sit and play in the sand.  

Proof that they actually will run down and fall asleep eventually!  Last weekend Kolton didn't nap both Sat and Sun.  (That was my bad because I missed his 1-1:30 window both days)  This was the result Sun night at 6:30.  Did you notice in both sleeping pictures that Kolton's hand is down his shirt?  Yup, he still rubs his nipple to soothe; love him!

This afternoon was his last Early Intervention therapy session.  Kolton's vocabulary continues to grow every day.  He is still going to receive speech services through the public school system but I'm no longer really worried like I once was.  I think his therapist is going to miss him!  And even though I've had my differences with her I actually think we could be friends.  We talked about getting together sometime and I hope we do.  Today was also his 2.5 year doctor appointment.  He sat up on the exam table all by himself and looked like such a big boy.  Suddenly time is flying by!

Gone Baby Gone

Lately its become increasingly more obvious that the baby days are OVER.  Its a little hard to comprehend even though I also know that a lot of 2.5 year olds are even more advanced than Kolton.  I still use the same little hooded towels that I've had since he was a new born.  Every night after his bath I hold him up so he can look at himself in the mirror.  Its getting harder to remember the infant he once was.  I never made a photo book of his first year even though hundreds of photos are downloaded into  Shutterfly.  Looking back through them, some I don't even remember taking.

And on a side note; you know what feeds the soul?  Time away with great friends!  I was luck enough to spend the weekend in DC with some of my besties.  We mostly ate and slept...we were in bed relatively early and slept in late.  I cannot even begin to say how refreshed I feel.  Throw in a facial, lunch, shopping, and of course a little champagne and it was the recipe for an absolutely perfect weekend!

Me, Anna, Cindy, (Steph is taking the photo!)

Feet Off

This is one of Kolton's more annoying habits lately.  The slouching, the feet up, Aaaaaah!!  The booster seat just isn't ideal. But I'm also not sure what else to do given the height of the table.  I'm hesitant to put him in timeout in the middle of trying to get him to eat.  Although, the timeouts have proven to be very effective.  He even put himself in timeout this week after gouging Mike's eyes.

Kolton's other most annoying habit....running around saying things are "on" or "off".  I'm really trying to have patience because at least he's talking!  But He says those two words about 100 times a day; maybe more!

Tuckered Out

Wow! What a weekend!  Saturday we visited a small water park for a birthday party.  There was a toddler pool with teeny, tiny, water slides.  The pure joy on Kolton's face is something I hope I never forget.  He LOVED every minute.  In the photo he just got done devouring a cup cake.  The morning festivities resulted in a 3.5 hour nap when we got home.

This morning we headed to our little community pool. But the big event of the day was Kolton's first baseball game.  They have a minor league in Richmond called the Flying Squirrels.  I made the executive decision that Kolton didn't need to nap since the game started right in the middle of his snoozy time.  BIG MISTAKE!  He was not at all interested in the game.  Mike and I took turns running around with him while the other hung out and relaxed at the seats.  We didn't stay for the entire game but I'm still glad we went.  Only, this time when we got home we were treated to the most hyperactive child we had ever seen. He didn't tucker out until 8:30.  Isn't this what summer is all about!?!

Aloha

Kristin and Alec got Kolton this adorable Hawaiian shirt on their honeymoon.  

I'm totally freaked out to drive anywhere and risk damaging the new ride.  Have I mentioned I'm a terrible driver?  I figure I'm about due for some sort of minor accident and it would be just my luck.  Today it rained buckets on and off.  Both times I was on the road and couldn't wait to get home so I could breathe.  

Can you believe its August?  I'm already starting to freak out about Halloween and Christmas.

Zoom! Zoom!

Today I said goodbye to a very dear member of my family...my 2004 Mazda 3!  It was my very first brand new car.  This car was so brand new I helped unwrap it off the truck and remove the plastic from the interior.  Every single mile put on this baby was done so by me or someone I had given permission to.  On her last day with me she had racked up a total of 123,231.

She still looks good!

Of course there were more than a few self-inflicted injuries.  

One year for Christmas Mike and I drove her from Baltimore to WI, half of it through a snow storm.  A drunk, with no shoes, tried to kick her door in...you should see the surveillance video, it is hilarious!  Then there was the time it took the Baltimore City Fire Department to help me change a flat tire.  

I'll never forget the day I got her, Memorial Day 2004.  It's funny to think that Mike was with me on that day too.  The sales guy's name was Cal Steele, I'm being serious.  But the most memorable thing for me was my reaction as he was discussing all of the safety features.  I rolled my eyes with exasperation; thinking there was no way I'd still have this car when I had a child.  Now Kolton knows her so well.  He still says "a-MaMa"  when he sees another Mazda.  And lately he's headed straight for her when he's ready to leave.  She will be greatly missed!

So now its time to move on....

....into a 2014 Mazda CX5  Zoom!  Zoom!

Royal Highness

I can't explain exactly why but I just can't wipe the smile off my face because of the Royal Baby!  I really thought it was going to be a girl....but oh my baby boys are just sooooooooo sweet!

Friday evening Kolton and I went to a birthday party at Romp&Roll.  During the snack/cake part we were seated next to a mom & son we had never met before.  She asked me how old Kolton was and said her son was just about to turn 2.  Then she said "So, when did he start talking because my son hasn't started yet and people are starting to imply something may be wrong."  My jaw hit the floor!  This woman was me a year ago!  I, of course, got diarrhea of the mouth and just blabbed about everything we have been through.  Others chimed in as well.  I think now that Kolton has actually started to talk I'm more confident in telling others not to worry too much. But I also know all too well that it's easier said than done.  I also find it interesting that this issue was addressed on the show Pretty Wicked Moms.  Did anyone else watch?

Right now there is nothing sweeter than hearing my baby's voice and seeing his delight when he says new words.  He's still not using language to communicate needs; he's mostly just naming things.  But I know once he figures it out more he'll have a lot to say.

Bad Mommy!

I'm a bad Mommy...I haven't taken a photo of Kolton in over a week!  And he has actually started saying Mommy instead of Mama.  Truth be told we were still in WI until Saturday.  We were originally set to come home that Friday but after getting through security at the airport I learned that our flight was delayed for over 2 hours.  Thankfully the Delta gate agent took pity on me as I was traveling alone with both Kolton and Sophie.  He was awesome and quickly booked me on a different flight the next day at no additional charge.

This week we've just been getting back into the swing of things with multiple play dates, dinner dates, and a birthday party tomorrow.  Is it hot where you are?  I'm a fan of hot weather but this is ridiculous!